frustrations.

DISCLAIMER: I TYPED THIS BLOG THROUGH TONS OF TEARS. THERE ARE NO EDITS. IT’S ALL IN RAW FORM BECAUSE I WANT YOU GUYS TO READ HOW GOD CHANGED MY HEART IN AN INSTANT.

Happy Reading..

Hey guys + dolls!

My apologies for the delay in a new blog post!

LIFE has gotten the best of me, hence the title of this post. I am BEYOND frustrated. Why? I just am. It’s a feeling that I really can’t even explain. I feel like I’m stuck in a place where no one can see, hear, or touch me. It’s actually pretty lonely because I don’t have words to express exactly where I am so there’s no one available to reach me. The past few months..in addition to this past WEEK, have been CRAZY for me. That’s the only way I know how to put it. So much has happened…………and I’d typed it all out until God convicted me.

March 13th, 10:41pm – I was just sitting here watching a sermon by Sarah Jakes Roberts entitled “The Great Escape” and the title ALONE is THEE answer to the season I’m in right now. Halfway through, she said something + I literally had to pause and say “WOW GOD! THANK YOU for opening my ears to the truth!”

IF GOD CAN’T HAVE ACCESS TO THE REAL ME THEN HIS POWER CAN’T RADICALLY TRANSFORM MY LIFE!

He wants to meet me right where I am. The frustrated me. The confused me. The angry me. The flustered me. The desperate me. The broken ME. He wants to meet the REAL me! His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses, so here I am…broken and undone! At my lowest point and in my humiliation, He REACHES ME WHERE I AM! In the beauty of my comfort, He wants to me to expose to Him the flaws of my distress. Wow. This isolation isn’t punishment, it’s protection. – SJR

Had I not played this clip in search of some relief, I would have never received this breakthrough. God is showing me how to slay my giants on every level. And while this level I’m on is one that I’m very unfamiliar with, I didn’t realize that the spirit of ME was giant that needed to be slain. Whew! Throughout the vulnerability of my transitions, all He wanted was to bring me closer to Him. Isn’t it funny that no matter how far we run away, He never stops chasing us?I went to a bible study yesterday that also ministered to my needs. I went to surround myself with like-minded believers, love, and positivity . I won’t lie. I was looking for something in the natural that would give me an AH-HA moment. I wanted to boohoo and go through the motions but I didn’t and nothing clicked until just now. In the bible study, we were split into groups based on the following categories: anger, pride, fear, and stress + anxiety. I went to the latter group (stress + anxiety) but at this very moment, I realized I should’ve gone to them all. I’ve been too prideful to admit to God that I’m lost and confused. I’m angry for reasons that actually make no sense but I understand that it’s a trick of the enemy to steer me further away from the truth. And all of this time, I’ve been afraid of living out true deliverance but BABYYYYY, once I step OUT into the fullness of who I am + who God’s called me to be?!

IT’S A WRAP FOR EVERY DEMON ON THIS EARTH COMING AFTER ME + EVERYTHING CONNECTED TO ME!

We were given a task to memorize the scripture from our group; Jeremiah 29:11 NIV, “FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU!” DECLARES THE LORD, “PLANS TO PROSPER YOU AND NOT TO HARM YOU. PLANS TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A FUTURE.”

*I just hollered!* This was GOOD TO ME!

He knew you’d get lost, but He also knew He’d find you. He knew you’d be afraid, but He also knew you’d find the courage to stand up and fight! He KNEW that situation would hurt you, but He KNEW it wouldn’t BREAK YOU! Count. It. ALL. JOY! He’s carefully considered YOU for THIS season and He will use the bottom of your rock to build a statue of His faith. He gets the glory out every situation, every mistake, every setback…EVERYTHING!

As soon as it clicks and something begins to change within you, He’ll always catapult you into the future and fullness of His dominion! REIGN in this RAIN!

I want to encourage you, dear heart. You are a chain breaker. A demon slayer. And God’s very best. Only YOU can do what God has graced your hands to do so if you give up now, then what? I know you’re frustrated. I know it hurts. I know it’s uncomfortable. I KNOW!

But let that fuel your fire, fix your crown, and GO! It may seem difficult and the mountain may seem like it doesn’t want to move but just as we see new mercies morning by morning, we SHALL see progression, deliverance, and restoration…morning by morning, step by step, win by win.God will restore YOU in the middle of bondage. Thank you, SJR. You heard God on this one.

And thank You, Jesus; You already know how we roll! #solid

Xoxo,

AjaYvonne