does God honor my life?

Sometimes I think about my life and what I’ve done to deserve the spread I have on my plate, both good and bad.

I often wonder if I’m handling everything with the grace I’m supposed to. Does God honor my life?

There was a point in my life when I thought I was on a role...serving in ministry, sensitive to His voice, everything falling into place. And then it all stopped. Things got tough and I just thought “what’s happening?”

I sometimes question if God has forgotten about me or if He holds back on giving me a break to see how much I can handle, although He already knows. Sometimes this frustrates me. This is one of my greatest flaws. I get annoyed with God. It’s weird to say it out loud + you may raise your brow reading this but I really don’t care. This is my truth. Sometimes I am confused by God’s playbook.

I read about the works He’s done in others lives + I shouldn’t be perplexed because things aren't going how I envisioned them to be. Sometimes, all we can "see" if the glitz and glam and not the bad parts. But what if that's where God wants us to put our focus on the most? We're so busy working towards the smooth sailing + while I don't believe we'll get there, let's make our priority surviving the not so comfortable parts of life.

Wow, I'm honestly speaking to myself. I want it ALL but I gotta stay where I am and maximize while I'm in pain. Every breath I take, frightens me because I feel like I'm not in the will of God sometimes. But the fact is that I am TAKING THOSE BREATHS and if I can thank Him for letting me stay alive, I know He's walking with me every step of the way. My journey may not be your journey and that's okay but here's the truth so I can be truly free. I am hurting but I am healing. And I believe that God honors my sacrifice of vulnerability.

Until the next post,

AjaYvonne

let's heal together.